5 years ago today my sister and brother-in-law were killed in a car accident. They were just 26 and 24 years old, but had already lived lives so full they rivaled a geriatric about to kick the bucket.
Their lives were a whirlwind of travel, music, fun, ambition, spontaneity, creativity and love. Bridget was an outstanding photojournalist; Hayden a rising musician in the Aussie rock band Electric Jellyfish.
While losing them was devastating to my family, 5 years later I can’t think of them without smiling; from their deaths has come so much good.
There is now a scholarship in Bridget’s name at UCLA (where she honed her talents) that allows 2 students each year to travel abroad and report on a story with global reach and local consequence.
Hayden’s family and my family have become one. Though we live on opposite sides of the world, I am closer to them than some of my “by blood” family in the States.
Above all else, Bridget and Hayden are a constant reminder to live life with passion, playfulness and wild abandon.
Below are my remarks from their funeral/wake/celebration/party/final gig:
“I’ve been trying to find the right approach to remembering Bridget – something witty and clever that would do her proper justice. But there isn’t really a way to do that – not for someone like Bridge.
So, then I thought of the things that I know; I know Bridge loved Hayden, I know she died having a great time (though I think she’d be pissed that she met her end in Ohio of all places) and I know that I will never be able to eat a Reeses Peanut Butter Cup without thinking of my sister.
Never be able to get on a plane, or play monopoly, or drink cheap champaign or do a jello shot, or listen to Pearl Jam, or speak Spanish, or go skiing. There are so many things that are irreversibly associated with Bridge. So many things that she did and loved that will be so much more meaningful now that she’s gone.
Bridge wrote me an email from Australia while I was studying abroad in Denmark (something that I probably wouldn’t have done if she hadn’t studied abroad herself). It was the first time I heard the name Hayden, not knowing how important he was to her even then and certainly not knowing that he would become my brother-in-law.
Hi Kell! Thanks for the email! That’s cool that you’re hanging out with all the international students. Even though I was living with a Chilean family and had some Chilean friends, I still spent most of my time with other foreign students.
Your Danish probably won’t get as good as you’d hoped, but who cares? You’ll still have a great time. I think its so interesting and important, to see how people from other countries view the U.S. I wish more Americans had that experience.
I’ve been hanging out in Melbourne most of my time in Australia. I’ve been sleeping on Mike’s couch and traveling. In March I’ll get my own room in Mike’s house, which will be nice.
Everyone in Mike’s house is in a band called Electric Jellyfish. They practice a few days a week in the living room and have had two gigs since I got here. They’re actually playing right now, and since I’m in the same room I’m wearing earplugs so I don’t go deaf. Its so nice to have live music around all the time though.
One of Mike’s roommates, Hayden, works at a pub nearby and bands play there all the time. So Hayden sneaks us in, gives us cheap beer and we get to see good bands. It’s a pretty good deal.
The past few weeks I’ve been traveling. First Hayden and I took a 12-hour overnight ferry ride to Tasmania, which was cool for the first 6 hours. Then the bar closed and people who had cabins went to sleep. Cheap people, like us, who paid for seats instead of beds tried unsuccessfully to sleep sitting up. We went to a few beaches, camped at a campsite where wallabies and possums and kangaroos run rampant and ate meals in some small scary mining towns.
You should check out the Electric Jellyfish website. I took all the photos on it. Mike is the one with glasses and usually without a shirt, Hayden has longish hair and a beard, Adam has longer hair and a beard and Pat is the drummer.
I have to go make swords out of cardboard and foil for a pirate party tonight. Let me know how things are going. Don’t let mom and dad or anyone else keep you from doing anything. I’m so happy you’re out of the U.S. and exploring. Can’t wait to be there myself. Bridge
I am so happy that Bridge found Hayden. I adored my sister, but never had the courage to tell her so. The past 23 years have been spent trying to be just like her. But her shoes are far too big for me to fill – they always have been.
I wish I had had the chance to get to know Hayden better. Though I only met him briefly, it wasn’t hard to reason why she loved him. So, the only thing to do now is to continue to get out of the U.S. and explore all of the places that she and Hayden never had the chance to see.
My beautiful sister and my wonderfully talented brother-in-law – I love you both.”
You lived your lives out loud – and we still hear you.
I totally love you.
Back atcha lady!
Love to you my darling daughter.
Love you too Mom!
Beautiful sentiments. You are a thoughtful and inspired person. I will also try us this as a “constant reminder to live life with passion, playfulness and wild abandon.”
They lived such an inspired life. Thinking of them always helps me re-center and stop taking things so seriously! Hope all is well in AZ
I spent many a weekend afternoon at UCLA’s stadiums standing next to her, talking about the world and photojournalism in between pitches or spikes or any other sporting event we were shooting. I didn’t know her any more than that, but I couldn’t help but smile as I read this. . .
Thanks so much for commenting Paul! I love hearing from people who knew her from various avenues of her life, even if they only knew her a little 🙂
Wow, this is so powerful. I always kind of wish I had a sister- it’s so lucky that you had such an excellent one. Thanks for writing this.
Thanks Steph! She’s definitely a great example of how to approach life – if we’re not learning and having fun, we’re doing something wrong.
Beautiful. You, Bridget, Hayden. Just beautiful.
Virtual hug to you Ali!
Kelly
Thank you for sharing and a wonderful reminder of how we need to relish each day and live life to the fullest! I think Hayden and and Bridget would agree that “you rock”
That’s certainly the goal!
Beautiful post. It brought tears to my eyes and a call to my sister.
Thanks for reading Ethel 🙂
Thanks for sharing this lovely tribute to your sister and her husband. Your plan to get out and explore the places they did not get to see is a wonderful way to honor them.
Thanks Cathy! It certainly gives travel a slightly different meaning for me.
What a beautiful tribue to your sister and brother-in-law. Because of this, I will call my brother tonight. Thanks for reminding all of us to give the ones we love a little extra squeeze when we hug them.
Its all those little things that really add up in the end!
Kelly,
Such beautiful words for such a beautiful individual! I am so inspired by how you have honored the memories of Brigett & Hayden by embarking on a global journey of travel, learning and FUN! ~ Pamela
Loved reading this. Bridget was a good friend and co-worker back at the Daily Bruin. I hired her as my assistant photo editor when I was photo editor in 2000. She was a blast to work with, had an amazing eye. Like Patil, our former photo editor said, she was definitely a firecracker. Bridget wouldn’t put up with people’s crap. She was natural leader and people respected the crap out of her. She will always be missed and remembered. I’m glad to see she had a lot of adventures and success in photography after college. – Dave Hill
Thanks for taking the time to comment Dave. She was a firecracker for sure! And she most certainly is missed every day.
you brought tears to my eyes, too. Remember, I’m just working my way through all this. How beautiful. She’s smiling at you.